There. I said it. I don't know.

Me and my friends has once again done these group shoots, and I've been drafting my first try at so-called inspiring posts to go with the pictures we took. It's actually done, but I have decided to not publish it first. 
This had no draft; I'm publishing it as soon as I finished typing. I don't know why I'm doing this, maybe I just don't want to sugarcoat things. I don't want this to be too personal, but I don't want this to be pseudo or too fake. 

So here it goes.

I don't know what's happening with my life, or on a clearer note, I don't know what to feel about what's happening with my life. I'm not in a rut, as some of you may think right now. I'm not sad, I'm unhappy. There's a difference. I'm numb. I'm not lonely; but I'm not happy either. I don't know, I can't feel anything. I can't smile yet I can't cry. 

What scares me the most is I don't know why I'm numb. They say that if someone gets hurt too much, they become numb to pain. What if?

My friends are so tumblr omg 

But then it hit me. I am overthinking. I kept asking what-if's that were not even there in the first place. I'm creating my own problems. I don't want to underthink though. I don't like not having an answer. I want to analyze things, so I know what to do next. 

But am I really numb? How do you know when you're numb? How can you feel you're numb when being numb indicates not feeling at all?

Or am I just filled with emptiness inside?

And just because I'm numb, doesn't mean you can do all those things to me again and again.
I, too, am being hurt.
And being numb just makes it more painful.

Maybe I just quite enjoy the pain. Happiness seems more valuable when I'm in deep melancholy. I am not strong enough to harm myself, so I just let others do.


i used to want your life;
you seemed to have it
all together.
some say all of life
is a puzzle, and the
truth of the statement
breathes in every crack
and crevice of my being,
but yours never seemed
everything was solid
about it; your dreams,
your living, and you
were sure of yourself.
which is something i never was.
but now i see how many times
words only scrape the surface
of the soul.
they hide it so we
can't see the darkest,
loneliest crevices that hide tears.
we can't see behind the
smiles that hide a deep
abiding weariness that
releases it's pent up emotions
with the severity and sorrow
of a winter storm
on your pillow at night.
i wonder why i always
assume that what we see on
the surface is the real you.
i learned the truth about the
ocean a long time ago.
how on the surface, floats the
seaweed; the tiny particles
of sand that cling to the sunlight,
and the green moss that swirls
around your ankles.
only when you brave the waters,
jumping deep, with the water
splashing your skin clean,
can you see the depth
behind the mirage of
and it's true with you too,
isn't it?
only it isn't quite so simple.
but this i know.
you are just like us.
you hide your pain; why
i don't know. i wonder why
your eyes are empty at eight o'clock,
noon, and six; why
you look up eagerly, your eyes
hungry, whenever the door opens.
perhaps no one will never know.
but someone notices when
your thoughts are miles away,
and when your smile doesn't
reach your eyes.
you think no one notices, but they do.
maybe you don't mean to hide,
but i think it's a natural reflex.
we hide to protect ourselves;
the fragility of our sanity,
the sensitivity of our souls,
the haven of our minds.
because hiding is easier
than taking that chance.
whatever it is.
but take a chance.
don't hesitate to love.
trust. love. believe. live.
life is too short to be caught up
in fears of failure, and too special
to be alone, even if it is only
in your mind.
take the plunge, step off the cliff,
make the jump, open your heart.
just do it.
you don't want to be alone,
i know. no one does.
the haven of your mind
may be cracked open, and shared
with a listening heart,
and some of your pain may
pour out and melt away as it is
combined with the love of another.
people will break your heart,
events will change your life,
you will get hurt.
but don't let that make you afraid-
because, i promise,
loving will be worth it.


maybe this is written for you, maybe it's written for a person i've never met. but i know one thing. it is for someone. 
Poem from finding beauty 

Aeropostale hanging top
Edwin shorts
Overly used Converse shoes 


  1. Chanced upon your blog and enjoy reading it! (:

  2. So in love with your blog,really! I've just discovered it and I've been kept by your unique and amazing style, you got one more daily reader honey, I think your style fits perfectly with mine and I find you so inspiring, if you want you can have a look to my blog too, and maybe if you like it we can also follow each other, just let me know and congrats again, you're having such a great job :)

    1. Aw, thanks! Can't believe someone actually appreciate all the words I strive to put together in this blog. Followed you!

  3. I love your blog and you style!
    Do you wanna follow each other?


  4. You're so pretty! This was such a lovely post, thanks for sharing :)